Sometimes it is the last stone to be lifted from the grieving heart--the inability to accept forgiveness. It's a mountain for me to climb. Not being there during my daughter's last weeks and days of her short live. She was in Anguilla far from home. I ask myself a thousands times why didn't I do this or that to persuade her to come home. I know if she knew how serious her health had deteriorated, she would have seek help. None of us knew but I allow weeks to go by without talking to her. Pancreatic encephalopathy is associated with symptoms like confusion, hallucinations, agitation and apathy. She had all those symptoms. She was volatile so our relationship was strained. I didn't know how to help her and she was very angry. Her pancreas had stopped functioning properly and her blood sugar was out of control. Her body was starving and she was not taking her medication for depression. How could things get so out of control? I pray for God to help me with this mountain of guilt. I miss my girl so much. There were people in her life who took serious advantage of her addictions. Addiction is an illness and those who supply drugs and alcohol are destroying so many young people's lives. I have not been able to forgive those individuals. Forgiving myself is hard enough but to forgive those who harmed her is even more difficult. I need to unload this weight of guilt and to forgive. Pray for me.
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